Fitness Friday: A Whiny Post on My Lack of Self Control

Me after a run in Florida in April
Me after a run in Florida in April a few years ago, but it does depict my current annoyance!

Hooooo boy. You know, it’s like one step forward, two steps back lately for me. I’ve been on a great training rotation, and then it was less good, and then it was adequate, and then I started eating garbage and it basically destroyed all the work I’ve put in. [insert various curse words here] Why am I telling you this since it’s not especially uplifting? Because I don’t want anyone thinking that exercise, fitness and appropriate caloric-intake is always smooth sailing.

My “happy” weight is around 147-149 – that’s where I feel the most comfortable. But I’m around 158-160 right now and it’s BEEN DRIVING ME NUTS. That being said, it’s been driving me nuts for two years now  so clearly I’m not headed in the right direction. I occasionally fluctuate down to 156 at times, but I can’t seem to cross back into the 155 and under area. My pants are fitting uncomfortably tight right now and it’s making me super damn grumpy.

I exercise about 5-6 times a week and that may seem excessive to some people, but I enjoy it. (I run 2-3 times a week, weight lift 2-3 times a week and play soccer once.) So it’s not like I’m lacking in the physical fitness department – I am exceptionally strong and my endurance is such that I could go out and run a half marathon on a whim.

So my problem isn’t how much (or little) I exercise, but rather my food and alcohol intake. I frigging love food and I frigging love wine. And I have a bad habit of consuming a lot of both. I’ve gone through phases in my life where I’ve had a lot of willpower, I mean, I did go from 196 pounds down to 149 several years ago:

So I know it’s possible, but I seem to be lacking the drive to get there in the last few years. I need to somehow relocate my sense of self control when it comes to food, but damn if it isn’t hard!

Anyway, thank you for listening on this rather off-track blog post, but if you’re struggling with something, maybe you’ll take heart in the knowledge that you’re not the only one! If you’re up for sharing, let me know what your current personal complaints are and maybe what your goals are! I always find it motivating and uplifting to hear others talk about their plans so maybe you’ll give me the drive to more forward with mine. 🙂

24 thoughts on “Fitness Friday: A Whiny Post on My Lack of Self Control

  1. Thank you for sharing! Especially this part “Because I don’t want anyone thinking that exercise, fitness and appropriate caloric-intake is always smooth sailing.” It is so true and I feel like for most people, it’s a battle!

    I ‘ve been just over 200 lbs. for almost 2 years (never told anyone that before so eeeek) and I finally got into the 190s when I weighed myself this week. My “happy” weight is the same range-ish as yours, which is crazy to me because I felt so not happy when I was 145, thinking I could be less but nope, after gaining a shit ton of weight in the last 5 years, I will never think that way again.

    I don’t wanna shoot for a # necessarily, but just get down to what my natural weight is, which I am thinking is when I felt my best in that range of 140-150.

    1. It’s a rough gig, for EVERYONE. But almost no one wants to talk about it because it’s awkward and uncomfortable and often makes us feel like we’re failing. Well fuck that noise – we’re all human, no matter how much we may only show the “pretty” side on social media. I never want people to think it’s dead simple for other people so I figured I may as well share my struggles too!

      You’re a brave one to share your weight and thank you for doing that because I think it’s necessary to show people that a standard body type is not necessarily the 110 pounds that we all imagined we’d be growing up (just me?).

      For me, a natural weight is difficult to find because it usually involves overindulging is too much food/alcohol. I remember WHEN I felt comfortable with my body and that was in the range I mentioned BUT some of that was dependent on whether or not I was weightlifting (pulls in the curves a bit more, you know?) so the range is a bit iffy and 150-154 would be good with weightlifting. Mostly I just want to get back into a few pairs of pants I’ve got sitting in my drawer because THOSE were comfortable.

      Good lord I’m rambling. I liked reading your comment and hearing you share about your thoughts re: exercise, weight, etc. <3

      1. Yes, we are all human and I think there is so much SHAME around our bodies and weight and letting it be known that hey maybe I don’t feel so hot in my own damn skin right now and it’s totally something we should all be okay with hearing, and I know I appreciate when I hear someone else’s views on that kind of stuff because I don’t see a lot of it.

        I know what you mean about wanting to wear those clothes, I have a stack of stuff I don’t fit into right now and regardless of what the scale says, I would kinda like my old wardrobe back.

        1. So much stupid shame and so much association with numbers. Like come on, the average person is not 110 pounds. We need to get out of that mentality. That’s why I try to share my weight with as many people as possible so that there becomes some normalcy with sizing and expected weight for women. So often people are like “well you don’t LOOK 160 pounds” and I’m like… “well this is what 160 pounds looks like, so just get used to it!”. It really is eye opening for some people.

  2. Thank you for this post. Seeing your tweets in the past about running marathons, I admired your strength greatly, but I equally admire the courage to admit when things aren’t going well.

    I have been on the “twice a week” workout schedule for a few years just to get myself moving and never looked at the # on the scale (more out of fear, because I love food too lol).

    Last November, to avoid the unavoidable weight gain that happened very time I visited home, I got a one-month membership at the local gym and went crazy with it (worked out almost every day), plus the healthy diet that my mom forced on me. Struggling now to keep half of that momentum up.

    Do you have a workout partner to help keep you going? Mine only works out twice a week so I am on my own if I want to do more, making it harder. Hope you can get back on track soon! I’ll be cheering for you on the side lol

    1. I’m so glad you liked the post – I felt it kind of had no real direction, but I just wanted to put my thoughts out there, you know? It’s also incredibly important to me to show people that we all have faults and problems to go through too. Just because I can run a lot, doesn’t mean every side of my fitness/eating is well balanced!

      The # on the scale can be fucking terrifying. I remember stepping on it at 196 pounds and being like “wait a second, HOW did this happen?” For me, stepping on the scale was a way to keep myself in check (and I still do it regularly).

      I don’t actually enjoy working out with other people. I don’t find it motivating, more of a nuisance really (especially the scheduling aspect – that’s the WORST thing about trying to work out with someone else). I don’t struggle to GO to the gym and work out – because really, it’s part of my routine and I love it. I just need someone to follow me around and slap food out of my hands! hahha

      Good luck to you! Keep that motivation going! Do you have anything to work towards? Like a vacation or something?

  3. You know my goal (to be in top shape for my 40th birthday) and it’s been my driving force this year. It’s really helped me get into a rhythm with my workouts and focus on myself and my health. As of last week I’ve even cut desserts during the week. Those are my weakness – my “I’ll just have one cookie” would usually turn into 3, 4, or even 5 cookies. Every. single. night. Or my piece of apple pie wouldn’t just be a slice, it would be 1/4 of the entire pie.
    Don’t forget, you’ve seen me in plank mode. 😉
    I hope you find something that will motivate you and push you towards your goal.
    Chantal recently posted…raspberrymint products reviewMy Profile

    1. I always admire your lean lines! And girrrrl those shoulders! LOVE ‘EM!
      Hah – I feel you. “One cookie” is really “I’ll just eat half the bag…” to me. It’s so hard to stop once you start!
      Right now my tight work pants are motivating me towards my goal! 😉

  4. I understand the lack of self-control when it comes to food. I used to be one of those skinny people with an absurd metabolism, so I never had to watch what I ate. Those days are loooooong over, but I still have those same eating habits. I love food and don’t have the motivation to say no to tasty things at times. It stinks.

    1. I’ve never had the pleasure of a great metabolism (to my knowledge anyway) and even though I was “thicker” in high school, I still played so many sports in high school that it pretty much kept my weight in check. Moving out of the house for university though… holy hell that was absolutely awful for my food (and alcohol!) intake!
      I feel for you though – having to start watching what you eat after not having to do anything at all in that respect is very, very tough. 🙁

  5. I have been struggling with this a lot too lately! My happy comfortable weight is 120 ( I am only 5 feet ) I have a thick bone build, so although some consider 120 still a larger weight for someone of 5 feet it is good for me. The last year and a half I have been diagnosed with a kidney disease and let it take over my life completely in the sense that I gave up exercising and eating right, and now that I am at 160 and nothing fits I’m desperate to make that change back but am finding it soo hard to do! Why is it easy to stick to once you see results but soo dang hard to make the switch? LOL

    I hope you can find the willpower to make it happen!

    1. Oh Michelle! That’s really rough, I’m sorry to hear about that! And I completely understand how you’d just be like “ugh whatever” and drop exercising and eating right. It’s sooo damn hard to get back on track. Even when my clothes don’t fit me, I still find it hard to get motivated. You’re so right though… it’s easy to stay on track when you see results!

      But my god… uncomfortable clothing is the WORST. 🙁

  6. I have a similar issue as well, my happy weight is somewhere about 20-30lbs from where I am now, and that happened quickly in 2 years. My previous weight allowed me to lift and be strong, run races, dash up stairs without being winded, all that fun stuff. With my job lately I’ve been exceptionally stressed out and have had no time to take care of myself, and lately it feels like I’m just drifting further and further away. I don’t know what else I can say except I feel ya girl.
    Danielle recently posted…Budget Beauty – COVERGIRL So Lashy! Mascara & Intensify Me EyelinerMy Profile

    1. I still can’t run up stairs without being winded! Stairs are succch a different exercise compared to running. I sound like an old man half the time!
      I’m sorry your job is so stressful – it’s really hard to get over that hump when you’re dealing with that. 🙁

    1. I’m not really looking for a pre-workout thing since I can barely drink water before I workout without getting a side stitch (also have to eat a good two hours before I do any kind of cardio or I’m wrecked). I do drink protein shakes after my weightlifting workouts though!
      For me, I do know the problem is absolutely food intake. I just eat a lot of it and forget to add up all the damn calories!

    1. Yeah, I know… if I wasn’t exercising, I’d balloon back up like I did years ago. No exercise plus video games plus lots of food and drink = 40-50 pound weight gain. Was brutal.

  7. Sorry for being late to the party on this post. I saw it come up on FB and I skipped over it, mainly because working out is a hard subject for me as I’m about to reach an anniversary I’d rather forget. 2 years ago this March, I was on a 6 mile run, training for a half marathon, and ended up in the ER in near Sudden Cardiac Arrest with a (very) rapid heart rate and, because of that, I can no longer work out. Your comment that you “enjoy it” made my heart happy because there are so, SO many people who take working out for granted or who even make comments to me that they “wish they had my excuse” and trust me – I would rather run 30 miles/week, do weights, kickboxing, soccer and just about anything aside from walking on a damn treadmill. Not to mention that I have had issues with weight for a good part of my life so I’m always playing a game of chess with my eating choices and what little exercise I can do. I think the main key – at least for me – in losing weight – is to change things up. With running, I had big changes when I started doing speed work 1x/week and when I really focused on strengthening my core. Actually, I had even bigger changes when I added in trail running. If you haven’t tried it, find someone who knows their way around the trails or see if there’s a local running group and DO IT! It’s so much fun to get off the normal paths and streets and it is one hell of a workout.

    1. Your comment brought tears to my eyes Jen. Wow, what an unbelievable thing to have happen. I’d be so freaking crushed to not be able to workout/run/lift/whatever again. Is there absolutely NO CHANCE you can ever get past just walking? My heart is broken for you. 🙁

      I often pass people in scooters, on crutches or in wheelchairs while I’m out running and even though I may be dying inside cuz I’d really just finish up the run, I often think about what their viewpoint must be of me and how *I* would feel if I was stuck in a chair. That often motivates me to just keep on plugging away because I know if that was stolen from me I’d be heartbroken. So yes, I love being able to move around and I wish more people loved it as well.

      I’ve been doing some speed training, but it’s not currently enough (in my eyes). In general though, my BIGGEST problem is my diet and what I’m intaking. I’m really bad at gatekeeping it when I fall off the wagon. Trail running… man that shit is good… butttt I’m kind of adverse to running with groups. I tried it a little bit with the Lululemon run group and I was like “my god people, please just stop talking to me!”

      Thanks for sharing your story despite it being heartbreaking. I really loved hearing from you.

      1. Thank you for the kind words, Chelle! Unfortunately, this disease is progressed by exertion (running, competitive sports, cardio, etc.) so working out is not an option. Now whether or not I walked a half marathon 5 months after being diagnosed is another story 😉

        I see things this way: we are never guaranteed any time here and 2013 was everything I could have hoped for. I ran over 1,000 miles that year and that was going from maybe 5-10 miles here and there or per week to training for half and full marathons! I think I’d be way more devastated right now if I had somehow talked myself out of joining the group that got me to those goals or if I had somehow thought I wasn’t athletic enough or whatever weird things our minds can conjure. When this happened, I was just starting to put together a plan to try and train to qualify for the Boston Marathon and I’m just going to hold onto a glimmer of hope that one day, it might be possible. Hell, maybe when I’m 70 and can finally meet the cutoff requirement, haha!

        I have always had an interest in makeup; especially when I did some opera work on stage but never had the opportunity to take classes for it so now I get to read, practice and have fun. Your blog and a number of others have helped keep that dream alive and for that, all I can say is thank you. You help spark my creativity – and my retail therapy – and I’m good with both.

        1. I’m sorry to hear that. Sorry, as a word, isn’t even enough to express my pain for you. Maybe heartbroken conveys the emotion better. 🙁

          1000 miles in a year! That’s crazy good! I maybe hit 500k, so I’m nowhere near that!

          Thanks again for sharing – although it made my heart lurch, I am still really glad to read about your story.

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